Wednesday, 3 May 2017

My Year Abroad: 3 Week Countdown

                           

So this blog post has got off to a great start. I stared at the blank page for a few minutes then started crying.

I don't really know where to start and have no idea where I want this post to go, but I feel I need to write something. Three weeks today I am flying home and my year abroad is over. That sentence makes me cry, makes me overwhelmed, makes me so excited and happy and it makes me nervous. All within the time it takes to read it.

Since coming back after the April holidays I have almost been at a bit of a loss as to what to do with my time, but have still been incredibly busy. At times when I've been sitting in bed in the evening I have actually been on the verge of tears because I have felt so ready to go home, but when I think that in exactly three weeks I will be I actually feel slightly sick at how quickly the time has gone.

I feel like I have learned so much, like so much about not just myself but also the world around me. I'm not going to go in to detail about the many things my year abroad has taught me here because that is a whole other post but as much as I have learned, am I really ready to go back home and work all Summer then be confronted with honours at uni? Ehhhhhhh, nope. I feel like I have so much still to experience! There are so many places I still want to go, so many amazing friends I still feel like I need to spend so much time with.

You could say I have been lucky that two of the friends I have made this year are from opposite sides of the world, America and Australia. But then, you're not the one having to say goodbye to them in three weeks with the slimmest chances of seeing each other again, certainly not in the near future anyway. They need to go find real jobs while I have another two years of studying to go. Of course my Bayern girls and I will meet up but it's not the same as us all messaging almost daily about the funny things our kids have said. If this year has taught me anything it's that the UK is small and I can definitely travel around it a lot more easily than I thought. A 6 hour bus ride is nothing.

And don't even get me started on my German. Despite the fact I am pretty certain by German is about 2000% better than when I came, if nothing else my confidence has increased dramatically, I still forget essential daily verbs despite using them all the time. I need longer, what if I haven't improved enough? What if I go back and my year abroad dissertation was awful and everyone is still so much better than me and I struggle with the work next year?

If I think back to the last few weeks it's just crazy. London, home, Italy, Beer festivals, exploring, but the overriding feeling is that of exhaustion. Think back to Christmas and it's just a whirlwind of fun days out exploring Christmas markets and snow. Back to October and November and I was in Vienna, I went to Prague. I have done so much so why does it feel like I haven't done anything?

Last week I was actually on FaceTime to my friend W, and I was going on and on about how ready to come home I was and how excited I was to start progressing with my degree and all the fun I was going to have over Summer. But right now I can admit I am not. I'm not ready. I'm bloody nervous. And tearing up again. Gahd.

Fast forward four hours. Writing that all out got me all worked up so I went to the gym and had a lovely dinner with my flatmates. I wasn't going to post this after it turned into masses of word vomit but I think I will. A year abroad away from friends and family isn't easy and whatever you do, don't judge someone by their instagrams and facebook or even blog posts. It's much easier for everyone, both myself and everyone reading to focus on the positives, which yes, definitely outweigh the negatives with regards to a year abroad without a doubt. However it's not all plain sailing and I think I am allowed to freak out for a little while at the prospect of it all being over.

If you're also on your year abroad pleeease leave me a comment at the bottom and let me know it's not just me who is totally stressing out about everything. Feels a bit weird to be so openly freaking out on the internet but I think it's important.

XOXO




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4 comments

  1. oh i'm so glad you've enjoyed your time in germany. i'm from berlin myself and i wish i did a year abroad but never had the chance to. i will though after uni.
    ❤︎

    www.elenaisabelle.com

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    1. It's definitely worth it! I was so uncertain about doing one but it was the best decision I have ever made! x

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  2. I know how you feel. I was you, two years ago. After an amazing experience, having to say goodbye is super hard. The week before coming back home was full of goodbye, tears and hugs. For me the transition was hard. I was sad and I felt like a foreigner in my own country.

    It's okay to freak out!! Just enjoy and make more memories!

    xx, Melissa
    https://elephantontheroad.com

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    1. Ah thank you! I feel like that is going to be me, when I was home a few weeks ago everything just felt a little wrong. I am determined to not let myself get too upset and just try and have the best time over the next few weeks! I have a busy Summer of work though so it will at least keep me busy xx

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